By Linda Gray
We have been looking at how our developmental stages influence us into adulthood.
Teenage years are a period of establishing identity and exploring where we fit in this world.
Teens test family values to decide whether they will incorporate or reject them.
In an effort to individuate, the fight is on for separation and independence.
There is a strong tendency to oppose parents and conform to peers. All the while, hormones are raging and emotions are high.
With the onset of teen years comes the reawakening of feelings from early childhood.
If there was a healthy upbringing this is merely a phase of their development. But for others this awakening brings the resurgence of deep unresolved pain.
Dealing with these feelings can be excruciating when added to the stresses they are already facing.
In an effort to detach from painful feelings they may turn to substance abuse, gaming addiction or other behaviours which continue on to impact their future.
How parents respond to a teen’s anger, opposition and rebellion strongly influences their development.
Behind the facade, teens are very self-critical, insecure and painfully aware of their flaws and failures.
They require honest encouragement and genuine praise to weather the intensity of criticism they inflict on themselves.
Teens also need boundaries and correction.
They crave stimulation, exploration, and experimentation because their curiosity is at an all time high.
Much like toddlers, they need limits to be clearly defined.
They have a false perception they can handle their own life when, in reality, they need parental protection.
The ramifications of a boundary-less teen can be self destruction, narcissistic behaviour and an adult who lacks self control.
The often turbulent bridge between childhood and adulthood can be hard to navigate, but managed well leads to a healthy, confident and compassionate adult.
