Back in the 1960’s John Bowlby, a psychoanalyst with an interest in child development, pioneered research on babies and their responses to their primary caregiver.
His findings led to the development of Attachment Theory.
From birth we are biologically programmed to form attachments which help us feel secure and safe.
Bowlby proposed that the emotional availability of caregivers was fundamental in a child’s emotional development, serving as a foundation for future relationships.
Continual disruption or prolonged separation from caregivers resulted in significant long-term cognitive, social, and emotional challenges for the child.
This was identified as ‘Insecure Attachment’, a mental blueprint that guides an individual’s expectations for all future social relationships.
You might be thinking that your childhood has doomed you to a life of low trust, fear of rejection or people pleasing.
However, advances in neuroscience have discovered that our brains are much more pliable than previously thought.
Thankfully, as adults we can choose how we relate to others, from insecure to secure attachment style.
The journey begins with self awareness – moving from unconscious insecurity to a more conscious awareness of how our past impacts our current emotional responses, thought processes and decisions.
Armed with this realisation, empowers us to change unhelpful patterns.
We can develop ideas around behaviour that would lead to better outcomes.
Instead of being drawn into relationships with insecure others, we can build friendships with those who model healthy connection.
This involves intentionally creating opportunities with friends who are reliable, empathic, and emotionally available.
We all have the capacity to develop healthy connections where boundaries are respected, communication is authentic and understanding and support is mutual.
