FOR a few weeks we are considering particular emotional wounds possibly experienced during the stages of our development.
Parentification occurs when a child is forced to take on developmentally inappropriate emotional, physical, or logistical responsibilities within their family.
It typically arises when an adult’s ability to parent is compromised.
Emotional parentification, sometimes called emotional incest, involves a child becoming their parent’s confidant, companion, therapist or mediator.
When one parent is unavailable to meet the other parent’s emotional needs, a parent can subconsciously turn to their child to fulfil the role of surrogate partner.
Parents who foster this dynamic don’t intend to cause harm, failing to realise how their actions place an undue emotional burden on their child.
Children forced into this role experience power over the parent for whom they are emotional carer, which often brings a love/hate dynamic into the relationship.
It can also create a sense of competition and isolating jealously between the child and the other parent or siblings.
The impact of parentification often continues into adulthood.
While some individuals may develop positive traits like strong empathy, problem solving and resilience, these often come at significant cost to their own well-being.
They often lack a strong sense of self and personal identity, defining their worth by how much they do for others.
These adults will typically struggle with setting healthy boundaries and seek out one-sided relationships where they repeat caregiving patterns.
The continuing unhealthy symbiotic connection with a parent into adulthood can compromise their emotional closeness with any potential partner.
Healing from parentification requires understanding that the role thrust upon you as a child was not appropriate.
It was the result of a fractured family dynamic you were not responsible for.
If you’re experiencing long term effects from childhood parentification, consider seeking professional support.
